Dear Australian flies,
Thank you for applying to maul my face in perpetuity.
Your proposal was given careful consideration and several experts were consulted in the deliberation process. Regrettably, though, I must inform you that your application has been denied.
As was duly noted in your submission, your right to, “stir shit up,” is guaranteed under Section 3 of the Natural Code. In this case, however, public safety shall take precedence over your freedom to buzz up my nose and eat the sticky stuff in the corner of my eyes.
Reports indicate that several flies were grievously injured when my face was mauled previously. Two were inadvertently swallowed while six others somehow landed in my cup of boiling soup.
The latter incident caused severe psychological trauma to a group of elementary-school mosquitoes who were standing nearby.
It would be irresponsible to allow similar events to occur in the future. Therefore, all flies who persist in mauling my face will be asked to leave the vicinity of my head immediately. Those who refuse risk prosecution and may be detained on the rolled up pages of a magazine.
Thank you for your consideration going forward.
mike on bike